Glow by Lady E

  I used to believe discipline meant pushing through.

I used to think showing up meant pushing.

I used to think being open was a strength. Saying yes. Responding quickly. Giving people the benefit of the doubt.

  I don’t announce my boundaries anymore. I don’t explain them. Don’t justify them. Don’t soften them so they land better. I just… move. Quietly. Consistently. Without asking if it makes sense to anyone else. Because I’m done.  Done with all that negativity and toxicity that some people keep throwing at me.  It didn’t happen all at once. There was no moment where I decided that’s it, I’m done. It was slower than that. Quieter. Like noticing how much of myself I kept offering just to be understood. It was an accumulation of events from the past year to the present.  An accumulation of feelings and neglect and disrespect.  Access used to feel like something I had to give. Freely. Openly. Without hesitation. My time. My energy. My thoughts. Always available. Always explainable. Always… reachable. Always ready to give, to do, to become.  Always ready to move. To stop what I’m doing. To please.  Until I noticed something. The ...

  “Background Noise” Acrylic on Canvas, Original Art by Lady E. I had a full day last Tuesday. I went out. I moved. I showed up. I did everything I was supposed to do. And when I got home, I thought I would write. But it didn’t feel right.

  L ately, I’ve stopped asking if something makes sense. I ask if it feels right. I ask if it’s aligned to the woman I’m becoming.  I ask if it serves me. 

  S ome days, I don’t feel the need to explain myself. Not because everything is perfect. Not because I have it all figured out.