Why I Painted Background Noise

 

“Background Noise” Acrylic on Canvas, Original Art by Lady E.

I had a full day last Tuesday.

I went out. I moved. I showed up. I did everything I was supposed to do.

And when I got home, I thought I would write.

But it didn’t feel right.

There was something heavy sitting in my chest. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just… there. The kind of weight that makes you question yourself.

“Am I just being lazy?”

That’s what I told myself.

ADHD. Histamine overwhelm. One minute, I was convincing myself I just didn’t feel like doing anything. The next…

I was ripping the plastic cover off a canvas.

No planning. No outline. No intention to create something beautiful.

I just needed to move.

So I got my son’s supplies, sat on the floor, and started painting.

And I didn’t stop.

Not because I was chasing a result.
Not because I had something to prove.

I stopped when my heart said, enough.

There are things writing can hold.

And there are things it can’t.

Writing is precise. It sharpens thought. It gives language to things that need to be understood.

But painting…

Painting lets things exist without explanation.

No structure. No sentences. No pressure to make sense.

Just feeling, moving through your hands until it has somewhere to go.

Last week, I wrote about being treated like background noise.

About the kind of disrespect that doesn’t shout.

The kind that hums.

And how I chose to become clearer instead of louder.

This was the other half of that.

This was what clarity looked like without words.

I didn’t plan the tree.

I didn’t sketch it first.

It just… appeared.

Soft. Centered. Still.

Surrounded by movement, by color, by noise that refused to stay quiet.

And yet, it held.

That’s when I realized something.

I don’t just have one way to return to myself anymore.

I have two.

Writing…
and this.

One asks me to understand.

The other asks me to feel.

And both… bring me back home.

I didn’t stop at painting. 

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'Til my next post,

Stay soft. Stay strong. Stay Glowing.

LET'S GLOW.

With elegance and quiet fire, 

Lady E

Exhibitor and speaker at the Philippine Book Festival 2026

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