Glow by Lady E

  How many women wait until they’re thinner, richer, prettier, or more successful before allowing themselves to enjoy life? I was one of those women.  I’ll wait ‘til I buy this for my son before treating myself.  I’ll wait to finish all the orders before I rest.  I’ll wait until my face clears up before I wear a blush.  This journey is teaching me a lot of things.  And one of those things is that I don’t need to earn delight.  I stopped auditioning the day I realized life wasn’t a panel of judges. No one was holding up scorecards. The only person waiting for me… was me. And that was a big revelation to me.  It was like one of those moments where you go, “why didn’t I think of that sooner” Yeah.. Why didn’t I think of that sooner? I was programmed through circumstances over the years to put myself last.  I guess there’s also that part of society that tells you to think of others first.  I grew up that way.  Serve others first.  ...

There was a version of me who knew exactly how to play. She wandered through bookstores without looking for anything in particular. She bought stickers simply because they made her smile. I doodled in the margins of notebooks and believed an ordinary afternoon could become a little adventure if I let it. I’d buy all the shoes and bags I wanted the moment I withdrew my pay. I never asked whether joy was productive. I simply welcomed it. Somewhere along the way, I became very good at being responsible. Being a mom. Being a wife.  Orders to pack. Emails to answer. Bills to pay.  Deadlines to meet. Groceries to buy. Things to remember. Chores to do.  People counting on me. I didn’t decide to become serious overnight. It happened quietly, almost politely. One responsibility arrived, then another, until playfulness slowly stepped aside to make room. One day, I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I did something simply because it delighted me. Not because it ...