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I’m Allowed to Change My Mind

  There is a photograph of me setting up a booth filled with books I created. I remember that version of me. She was building something she believed in. She had plans for where it might go. Ideas about what came next. Things she wanted badly enough to spend her time, energy and creativity making them real. She wasn’t pretending. She really wanted that life. And then, eventually, I didn’t. I think one of the strangest things about changing is looking back at something you once wanted desperately and realizing that you no longer want it in quite the same way. For a long time, that unsettled me. Because if I could change my mind about something that had once mattered so much, what did that say about all the choices I had made before? Had I been wrong? Had I wasted my time? Had that earlier version of me simply not known herself well enough? After that particular chapter of my work ended, I went through a period filled with realizations and questions I hadn’t expected to have. Not beca...
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Maybe I’m Not Behind

  There is an invisible schedule I sometimes carry around in my head. By this age, I should have done this. I should already own that. I should have reached this milestone, built that life, earned that much, figured this part out. No one handed me this schedule. There are no deadlines printed on it. And yet somehow, it can feel very real. It gets louder when I look at other people. Someone is buying a house. Someone is traveling. Someone’s business is growing. Someone has reached the milestone I’m still working toward. And suddenly, their progress becomes evidence that I am late. But late for what? We passed by this sculpture of fishermen recently, surrounded by the tall buildings of BGC. The contrast struck me. Behind them is a world measured in meetings, deadlines, promotions, targets and calendars. But fishermen have always understood another kind of time. The tide comes in. The tide goes out. There are seasons for going farther and seasons for staying close to shore. You cannot...

The Things I Say to Myself When No One Is Listening

There are things I say to myself that I would probably never say to another person. Not because they sound particularly terrible. Most of them sound almost harmless. Ordinary, even. But I say them often enough that I’ve started wondering what they’re doing to me. I have so much to do. This is probably the one I say most often. I’ll look around the house, think about work, remember something I haven’t finished, think of three more things while doing something else, and there it is: I have so much to do. For my ADHD brain, this is possibly one of the least helpful things I can say. Because suddenly there isn’t one thing in front of me anymore. There is everything . Everything becomes one enormous, shapeless task hovering over my head. So I’m trying to catch myself when I say it. I don’t have to do everything. I only have to decide what I’m doing now . Then there’s: I’m so tired. Or its more dramatic sibling: I’m so exhausted. Sometimes I really am tired. But I’ve not...