There are things I say to myself that I would probably never say to another person. Not because they sound particularly terrible. Most of them sound almost harmless. Ordinary, even. But I say them often enough that I’ve started wondering what they’re doing to me. I have so much to do. This is probably the one I say most often. I’ll look around the house, think about work, remember something I haven’t finished, think of three more things while doing something else, and there it is: I have so much to do. For my ADHD brain, this is possibly one of the least helpful things I can say. Because suddenly there isn’t one thing in front of me anymore. There is everything . Everything becomes one enormous, shapeless task hovering over my head. So I’m trying to catch myself when I say it. I don’t have to do everything. I only have to decide what I’m doing now . Then there’s: I’m so tired. Or its more dramatic sibling: I’m so exhausted. Sometimes I really am tired. But I’ve not...
I have a habit of trying to fix things. If I’m uncomfortable, I want to know why. If I’m disappointed, I start thinking about what I should do differently. If I’m uncertain, my brain starts building plans. And if I’m sad, angry or lonely, some part of me immediately wants to turn that feeling into a problem I can solve. Maybe it comes from being used to handling things. I’m very good at asking, Okay, what do I do now? Usually, that’s useful. But lately, I’ve been wondering if I ask that question too quickly. Because sometimes I’m sad because something made me sad. Sometimes I’m disappointed because I hoped for something and it didn’t happen. Sometimes I’m angry because something hurt me. Sometimes I’m lonely. Sometimes I simply don’t know what happens next. And maybe I don’t need to immediately turn any of those things into a project. I don’t need a five-step plan for every uncomfortable emotion. I don’t need to find the lesson while I’m still living through the experience. I don...