Glow by Lady E

  How many women wait until they’re thinner, richer, prettier, or more successful before allowing themselves to enjoy life? I was one of those women.  I’ll wait ‘til I buy this for my son before treating myself.  I’ll wait to finish all the orders before I rest.  I’ll wait until my face clears up before I wear a blush.  This journey is teaching me a lot of things.  And one of those things is that I don’t need to earn delight.  I stopped auditioning the day I realized life wasn’t a panel of judges. No one was holding up scorecards. The only person waiting for me… was me. And that was a big revelation to me.  It was like one of those moments where you go, “why didn’t I think of that sooner” Yeah.. Why didn’t I think of that sooner? I was programmed through circumstances over the years to put myself last.  I guess there’s also that part of society that tells you to think of others first.  I grew up that way.  Serve others first.  ...

I used to think being open was a strength. Saying yes. Responding quickly. Giving people the benefit of the doubt.

  I don’t announce my boundaries anymore. I don’t explain them. Don’t justify them. Don’t soften them so they land better. I just… move. Quietly. Consistently. Without asking if it makes sense to anyone else. Because I’m done.  Done with all that negativity and toxicity that some people keep throwing at me.  It didn’t happen all at once. There was no moment where I decided that’s it, I’m done. It was slower than that. Quieter. Like noticing how much of myself I kept offering just to be understood. It was an accumulation of events from the past year to the present.  An accumulation of feelings and neglect and disrespect.  Access used to feel like something I had to give. Freely. Openly. Without hesitation. My time. My energy. My thoughts. Always available. Always explainable. Always… reachable. Always ready to give, to do, to become.  Always ready to move. To stop what I’m doing. To please.  Until I noticed something. The ...

  I used to shrink without noticing.

  T here are moments that don’t break you. They just… thin you out. Little by little.