Not Everyone Gets Access to Me Anymore
I don’t announce my boundaries anymore.
I don’t explain them.
Don’t justify them.
Don’t soften them so they land better.
I just… move.
Quietly.
Consistently.
Without asking if it makes sense to anyone else.
Because I’m done.
Done with all that negativity and toxicity that some people keep throwing at me.
It didn’t happen all at once.
There was no moment where I decided
that’s it, I’m done.
It was slower than that.
Quieter.
Like noticing
how much of myself
I kept offering
just to be understood.
It was an accumulation of events from the past year to the present.
An accumulation of feelings and neglect and disrespect.
Access used to feel like something I had to give.
Freely.
Openly.
Without hesitation.
My time.
My energy.
My thoughts.
Always available.
Always explainable.
Always… reachable.
Always ready to give, to do, to become.
Always ready to move. To stop what I’m doing. To please.
Until I noticed something.
The more available I was,
the less I was valued.
The more I explained,
the less I was actually understood.
And the people who truly saw me?
They never needed that much access
in the first place.
So I changed.
Not dramatically.
Not loudly.
Just in small, deliberate ways.
I stopped replying right away.
Stopped over-explaining.
Stopped opening doors
that didn’t feel right anymore.
At first, it felt wrong.
Like I was being distant.
Cold.
Unkind.
But I wasn’t.
I was being selective.
Now, access to me is… earned.
Not in a harsh way.
Just in a clear one.
You don’t get all of me
just because you’re there.
You don’t get my depth
just because you asked.
You don’t get my time
just because you expect it.
I’m expecting some people to stay where they are.
Some to drift.
And the right ones?
They will step closer…
without needing to be invited twice.
Now…
I don’t enter spaces trying to be understood.
I enter already whole.
Already decided.
Already… enough.
Not everyone gets access to me anymore.
And that’s not distance.
That’s alignment.
---
Lady E
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