I almost didn’t bring it.
It felt unnecessary. Bulky. A little inconvenient.
I used to just carry everything.
Bags on both arms. Tote on my shoulder.
Water bottle, purchases, whatever I decided I needed that day.
I never questioned it.
I just… did it.
That morning, though, something in me hesitated.
Not loudly. Not dramatically.
Just a quiet thought:
What if I didn’t?
I was anxious about our trip that day because I didn’t want to carry anything heavy and our tote is heavy from all the things we need to bring.
And then I remembered.
My little trolley.
The one I’ve had for years.
The one I stopped using because my husband didn’t like it.
He said it’s better to carry everything. But I’m not him.
And I’m not as strong as him.
And I’m not built like him.
I have limitations and one of them is the condition of my spine which limits me from carrying a lot.
With my decision solid, I folded it.
Brought it with me.
Didn’t overthink it.
Just… brought it.
At the mall, I opened it.
Placed our tote inside.
And then we walked.
It felt different immediately.
Lighter.
And… steadier.
I wasn’t shifting weight from one arm to the other.
I wasn’t adjusting straps or bracing my shoulders.
I was just walking.
Pulling something beside me.
Something solid.
At some point, I realized I could pause.
Just stop.
Stand there without the quiet urgency of holding everything together.
And that’s when it hit me.
I wasn’t just carrying things before.
I was carrying tension.
The lights, the noise, the people…
they’ve always been there.
But that day, they didn’t overwhelm me the same way.
Because my body wasn’t already struggling.
There was no anxiety because I was holding on to something all throughout our mall stay.
And I had the security of knowing that I can just pause and look at my pretty trolley any time I felt overwhelmed.
And that knowledge helped prevent any more anxiety.
We went from store to store.
Flying Tiger. SM Stationery. Daiso. Kinokuniya. NBS
Back again.
I picked what I wanted.
Didn’t calculate what I could physically manage.
For once, I wasn’t negotiating with myself.
And when we got home…
I wasn’t exhausted.
Not the kind that sinks into your bones.
Not the kind that makes everything feel like too much.
That’s when I understood.
It wasn’t just the heat.
Or the lights.
Or the crowd.
It was everything… plus what needed carrying.
Somewhere along the way,
I got used to doing things the hard way.
Because I forgot.
I forgot that the help I needed was just folded away neatly in the back of our car.
But now…
I wont’t forget.
So I brought the trolley.
And everything changed.
Not because I did more.
But because I finally allowed myself…
to carry less.
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Lady E
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