The Pleasure of Leaving It Behind

 

I really liked this dress.

Enough that I stood there looking at it for far longer than necessary, having that familiar little debate with myself.

It was black. Simple. Very me. I could already imagine how I would wear it.

There was only one problem.

The fabric was thick.

And perhaps in another climate, or another version of my life, that wouldn’t matter very much. But I live in the Philippines. We’re going through El Niño. Heat and I are already not particularly good friends, and my histamine sensitivity has made me even less willing to wear something that might leave me uncomfortable simply because it looks good.

Still, I stood there.

Because sometimes walking away from something we like is strangely difficult, even when we already know it isn’t right for us.

We start negotiating.

Maybe I’ll only wear it indoors.

Maybe the fabric isn’t that thick.

Maybe I’ll regret leaving it behind.

Then I realized I was trying awfully hard to convince myself to buy something my body had already rejected.

So I walked away.

And there was something unexpectedly satisfying about it.

Not deprivation. Not regret.

Relief.

I’ve spent enough years believing that wanting something was reason enough to have it. I’m learning that sometimes the pleasure isn’t in bringing something home.

Sometimes it’s in knowing exactly why you didn’t.

—-

With elegance and quiet fire,

Lady E
Founder, Glow by Lady E
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